


Always Cared

by Herath



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Azula (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Comfort, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Zuko (Avatar), Sibling Bonding, Sibling Rivalry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:54:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28222755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herath/pseuds/Herath
Summary: Sometimes changing the world is easier than changing your sister's mind. What if, in his fevered state, Zuko tells Azula how much he cares about her as her older brother? Well, obviously, Azula is hesitant to accept affection from her rival for their parents' love, but she's willing to see how far Zuko is willing to go for her. If he shows promise, perhaps she doesn't need to make him fear her like the others. (First three chapters copied from other website. Future updates will be more spread apart.)
Relationships: Azula & Zuko (Avatar), azula and zuko
Comments: 7
Kudos: 77





	1. Always Cared

Like ants trailing back and forth from their colony, servants garbed in red robes carried various items like medicine, soups, and towels into a room tucked away in the corner of the palace.

The room was rather comfy if not a tad stuffy. It was lit with a dull red light. Compared to the outside of the room, the temperature was noticeably warmer and a little humid. A basin filled with water and a washcloth laid on a nightstand next to the bed. The air was heavy. The scent of sandalwood incense buried any sense that miasma could be plaguing the fevered prince. 

Ursa, in all her power as the younger Fire Prince’s wife, tended to her son. Zuko’s father, Ozai, couldn’t have claimed the same. Well, he could have claimed to care for his son, but there wouldn’t be too much evidence to back such a claim. Perhaps, in public, he would have made a statement about sending countless servants to wait on the boy, but it would have been more to paint the royal family as a strong united front more than anything else. Whether that inept child lived or died, Ozai was sure he could spin a story to turn the sad affair in his favor. 

The proud, callous man already planned on having Azula be his successor after he out maneuvered his older brother for the throne. He saw a lot of himself in his daughter, and, just like his father before him, he favored one child over the other. That’s not to say he didn’t see use in his eldest child. If his son somehow improved his skills and became passable at firebending, he could be an officer or something. But, that was enough thought about his son for now. He had other tasks to fulfill that day. 

Meanwhile...

While her father busied himself, Azula would be waiting for both the servants and her mother to leave Zuko’s room, so she could sneak in. Their leavings took a fair amount of waiting, but the long game was nothing unfamiliar to the young child.

Finally, the time came. With her fingers interlocked behind her back, she innocently strolled in. “Zuzu~” she cooed, smirking at the wriggling, sweaty mass that was her older brother.

“How's my favorite brother doing?” she murmured. Picking up the faint noise of footsteps approaching, an annoyed tongue click was all it took for the youngest royal to sneak her way into a shadowed corner.

Not a moment after, Ursa entered with a green vial in hand. Azula assumed it was medicine. The young child watched silently as Ursa went through the motions. She replaced the washcloth on Zuko’s head, fed him the medicine, tucked him in tight, and left just like that. 

Even though being unnoticed was in Azula’s best interest, there was a pang in the back of her head, a fleeting thought, that being noticed would have been nice. Like if just a fraction of attention their mother gave to her brother was spent on scanning the room, she would have spotted the tiny girl tucked away in the corner.

A grimace flashed onto her face. This pulling, burning sensation in the pit of her stomach wouldn’t leave her. 

“I don’t know why she cares so much about you,” Azula started, tepidly making her way towards the bed. Her steps contrasted the slow burning of charcoal in her stomach. 

“There’s so much about me to love, but she’s always there to nag at me like I’ve done something wrong. It doesn’t make much sense. Father approves of me. They’re so different. So, so different. It’s hard. Don’t you find it hard? It must be harder for you since you’re just so...you. It’s just so weird….mother and you that is. You’re both so soft and sensitive. It makes me wonder who’s really the older sibling. You know I’ve heard stories about how father saved you when you were almost washed out to sea. You were helping out a poor animal. It’s just hmmm. Where is father now?” 

Azula just sat there in silence after her little speech. Honestly, it was more rambling than a coherent speech. She just wanted to get all her thoughts off her chest. She didn’t expect her brother to be listening even less so to respond. No, she was just working through her thoughts out loud to an audience who she knew wasn’t all there. It was like writing a spiteful letter but never sending it.

Yet, there are always moments when that letter accidentally gets sent out.

Zuko hadn’t heard much of what Azula said. He was, as she assumed, mostly not there. His mind faded in and out of consciousness. But, he thought he could piece together the gist of her thought process. He was fairly certain she was taking a jab at him, but there was that underlying emotion that he couldn’t quite put his finger onto. 

Well, in most cases, he would have shot back something witty, or at least he thought they were witty, to tell his sister off, but it was either his fever addled mind or the vulnerability of the situation that told him it would be best if he didn’t. What was he supposed to say? That’s rough, buddy? 

His younger sister probably thought he was asleep, too weary to pay attention to what she said. He had to say something. “Love you too, sis” he grunted with a light smirk, bursting into a coughing fit towards the end. “There, I was witty and caring at the same time. Good job, me,” he thought.

While the young prince was being sarcastic to an extent, he wasn't entirely untruthful. They were rivals for their parents' affections, for the best marks in fire bending and academics, and even for the throne. It wasn't entirely unprecedented for the younger sibling to usurp the oldest, and he had to admit that there were times he wasn't the best big brother. 

There was just something he felt was off about his sister. The way she caught on to ideas so quickly, the way her eyes glinted mischievously, and the way she so easily says the most jarring things didn't make her seem like a little sister. He sometimes forgot that she was younger than him.

Despite all of this, at the end of the day, they were family. They still laughed, ran around the garden pond, and ate at the same table. When either one of them is in real trouble, they had to help each other out. 

His little sister didn't need to visit him even if she did just want to mock him. His father hadn't even visited him, and silence can hurt even more than scalding words.

He didn’t have the energy to pay much attention to his sister afterwards. Drowsiness hit him hard as he dozed off; but out of the corners of his eye, he saw an odd expression on his Azula's face.

Her face was on fire. The blood seemed to drain from her face only to return with a fiery passion. Her muscles stood stiff at the spot as she tried to process what her brother said.

She talked a big game about having qualities worthy of love, but what was the love that she was seeking.

What did it even mean? 

A sneer replaced any other semblance of emotion on her face. “Nice try Zuzu,” she spat, “What you think you can just manipulate me? Make me pity you? That just a few words can excuse all the times you’ve gotten me in trouble with mother?”

She didn’t know what came over her, but she reached out to grip her brother’s head in her hands and looked straight into his weary eyes. “Zuzu, do you really mean it?"

Zuko just weakly nodded his head. “Always,” he coughed, feeling his head fall back against his pillow.

Azula stood there for a moment. Her fingers frozen in place as she abruptly released Zuko’s head from her hands. “Always, huh?” she murmured, staring at her hands. Folding her fingers into a fist, she dug her nails into her palms. She stood there in the dim light shaking. “Let’s see you prove it,” she huffed, knocking over his water basin. If he cared for her, he wouldn’t mind, right? She’d be out of sight by the time Ursa came rushing to see what was wrong.

A few days later, Azula came down with a fever.

A/N: Just planning on writing drabbles throughout their lives about how this one moment changed how they interacted. Do tell me if anything they do seems ooc. I strive to be as true to the characters as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just planning on writing moments throughout their lives about how this one moment changed how they interacted. Do tell me if anything they do seems ooc. I strive to be as true to the characters as possible. Not sure if there's going to be any real plot, but I hope to explore a new path where Zuko and Azula interacted more often.


	2. Always Practicing

“Lucky for you, your mother and the fire sages pleaded with me to give you a chance. Azula, on the other hand, never needed that kind of luck. She was born lucky. You were lucky to be born.” 

This was the humiliation served to Zuko during dinner that day. Ozai hadn’t said it unprovoked, but it was certainly harsh and unnecessary.

Harsh and unnecessary. Those words suited their father-son dynamic quite well.

A harsh tongue lashing and a revelation that never needed to be said was the price paid for defending their firebending tutor’s honor. Zuko sat there in his seat with his mouth slightly agape. 

Golden irises drowned tiny, black pupils. Nails dug into the soft palms resting in his lap. Looking closely, his body shook, his breath hitched, and his teeth bit down on his lip.

All the while, his younger sister sat with a triumphant, smug smirk plastered on her face. Did she take joy out of seeing her brother crushed and humiliated or being proven right by their beloved father? The short answer would be yes. The longer answer would also be yes but just with some background information.

Earlier that day….

“Hah!” shouted Zuko, sweat beading down his face. A fan of fire singed the nearby air. It was solid progress; and if he was compared to an average fire bender at his age, he would have been a cut above the rest. It was unfortunate that he was part of the royal family, and Azula continued to outshine him. Which was why it was to his surprise, that the newest tutor actually complimented him.

Their tutors in the past had usually compared him to his sister at what felt like every chance they got. He wasn't a bad bender, and he knew that. Those fancy flips and jumps just weren't his style, but they came up so frequently. Azula seemed to succeed either way.

"Excellent work, Prince Zuko," a rather average looking man applauded, wearing the cloths of an imperial tutor. A concerned look briefly flashed on his face as he glanced to the side at the younger princess.

Off to the side, Azula rested in a garden tree’s shade, having already displayed her prowess at bending; and from the coolness of her area, she glared daggers at their tutor. The exercises and form came easily to her, but it was too easy, too tame, too conservative, and worst of all the lessons came from a man that was too disrespectful.

Behind their backs, the tutor had called them brats. The Royal brats is what he said to be more exact. From an outsider's point-of-view, it would have been a teacher playfully mocking his students, but, unfortunately for him, one of the said brats had overheard him. 

Not only did he have the audacity to voice his complaints in the palace, he also had the carelessness to voice them without checking who was nearby. The utter disrespect he showed towards them was inexcusable. 

If it was Zuko, the tutor may have come out of this slight unscathed, but Azula was the one who learned of his displeasure of teaching them. He had to be taught a lesson. For all she knew, he may have been sabotaging them. 

Those words of affirmation he was using towards Zuko. He was just baiting her brother and making a mockery of the royal family. She couldn’t have that.

Having already said her protests to their tutor’s firebending at the beginning of the lesson, she just waited to see if he corrected himself. He didn’t. Although, it didn’t matter much if he did. His fate was sealed the moment he insulted them. 

Taking aim as he was distracted with teaching Zuko, Azula sent a flume of fire at his rear. The reaction was pretty much instant. With his britches on fire, he screamed and ran into the garden’s pond. With a giant splash, the turtleducks turned hostile at the disturbance in their home and began biting at his nose and ears.

“Bahahahaha!” Azula cackled, wiping a tear from her eye as she rolled on the ground, “was that flame large enough, sensei~”

“Azula!” Zuko shouted, looking incredulously at his younger sister, “why would you do that?”

Slowly, the smile from Azula’s face fell into an irritated frown as her laughter died down.

“You wouldn’t get it Zuzu.” 

Turning heel to go back into the palace, Azula wondered if Zuko would ever get it. Zuko didn’t follow as he tried to help his instructor out of the pond.

Present….

After bragging about her achievements, she soon gained the favor of her father once again, and the tutor was to be sent to the colonies. 

Zuko had to open his mouth though.

He had to choose a tutor he hardly knew over his family. Over her.

After he said that he cared about her, he defended the tutor despite her obvious dislike of him. For all she cared, he deserved the tonguelashing.

But still, she couldn’t get that moment out of her mind, and, out of her feelings of betrayal and triumph, there was a slight, cold pang in her heart. 

She would try and give him a second chance. 

After dinner…

It wasn’t hard to find Zuko. He had gone storming off to the garden pond, and Ursa wasn’t too far behind. 

Dinner had extended well past the sunset, so all Azula could see was the vague silhouettes of her mother and brother slightly illuminated from the moonlight glancing off the pond.

The sight of the two together still sent pulses of irritation down her spine, but she endured the urge to interrupt the two. She had a proposition for Zuko, and she needed her mother to leave if only for a moment.

Her plan to give Zuko a chance was a tad impromptu, so she was betting on Zuko asking for their mother to give him a few moments alone to think. Luck wasn’t typically something she relied on but just this once. 

“Ah, now,” she whispered to herself, watching as Ursa retreated back into the palace. Zuko stayed, squatting over the edge of the pond.

Sneaking up on him, she jostled him, almost pushing him into the water. 

“Gahh!” the eldest child yelped, waving his arms around to keep balance. It was only after he succeeded in avoiding a bath that he turned around to see Azula. “What the heck Azula! First the tutor and now me!”

“Oh, you’re too uptight,” she cooed, patting him on the head.

“I’m not in the mood,” he grumbled, slapping her hand away. The corners of her mouth curved into a frown.

“Like I said. Stop being so uptight!” she growled, using two hands to rough up his hair.

“Stop it!” he huffed, raising his voice a little and slapping her hands away again, “Maybe, I wouldn’t be so uptight if I had a firebending tutor. If you hadn’t gotten him fired just because he praised me.”

Rolling her eyes, Azula could only wonder why her brother was throwing this sad attempt at a pity party.

“God, why are you so frustrating,” the younger royal sibling murmured under her breath. Inhaling deeply, she tried to calm her nerves. “I assure you that me getting the firebender fired wasn’t because he praised you. I get enough praise myself. Why would I be jealous of you?”

Opening his mouth, Zuko tried to answer but quickly closed it. She made a good point; but if jealousy wasn’t the reason for lighting their instructor’s pants on fire, what other reason was there?

“Anyways, I didn’t come here to mock you as surprising as it sounds.”

“Then, why are you here?”

“Well, if you shut your mouth, I’d tell you.”

“Ah-...continue.”

“Finally,” she sighed, placing her hand on her forehead, “I wanted to say that I wouldn’t abhor helping you with your firebending.”

“What? Why?” Zuko asked, staring at his sister like she grew another head.

“Do you think I’m not good enough to teach you?”

“No, that’s not what I-”

“I know. I know. I bet you think I’m a flower burning monster.”

“Of course, I don’t. You’re my sister.”

“And?” Azula continued, looking expectantly at her older brother.

“And?”

“Yes, and?”

“And I care about you?” Zuko hesitantly said. Glancing at his sister, Zuko’s vision was suddenly blurred as she shook his head around by his hair.

“Hehehehe, of course, you do~” she laughed, glad that their discussion took place in the dark. “And, that’s why I want to help you with your bending. I can’t let one of my followers be as incompetent as you.”

“Follower? I’m your older brother!”

“Keep telling yourself that, Zuzu.”

“Gah!” he sighed, exasperated at Azula’s scheming.“Fine, I’ll accept your help.”

“I knew you’d come around,” she smirked, turning around to skip back to the palace, “you better be ready. I’ll work you to the bone.”

“Hey, Azula!” Zuko called out, standing up from his squat position.

“Thank you.”

A/N: Second chapter done! Please leave a review if there’s anything you’d like to see improved or if the characters are too ooc. I strive for accuracy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Second chapter done! Please leave a review if there's anything you'd like to see improved or if the characters are too ooc. I strive for accuracy! The hardest part of writing this is mixing Azula's and Zuko's core traits with childish selfishness and impulsiveness. While I'd like to write a bunch of fluffy, feel good stuff between siblings, I feel like they're just very different people and don't exactly have that type of bond. But, this doesn't mean that they still can't care for one another. I would like to portray that dynamic where even if they don't see eye to eye they both share the same burden of being children that want their parents' approval. And, it's through this pursuit, I hope that I can realistically portray a shift where perhaps Zuko can fulfill Ursa's role of being the one to unconditionally love Azula.


	3. Always on Different Paths

"Why do you think Uncle got me a doll, but he got you a knife?" Azula asked, her head hanging off the edge of the bed with her body sprawled on top of it. Her older brother was sitting on the floor with his back against the side of the mattress. A shiny new weapon was being twirled in his hands.

After their agreement to train together more in private, they seemed to casually hang around each other more often. It was nice at times, but their personalities made prolonged interactions irritating and more than likely to end in an argument.

"Wouldn't the better question be why did you burn it? You know he was just trying to be nice." 

"Oh, is that the better question? Well, I asked first, so shoot, Zuzu." 

"I told you to stop calling me that. How would you like it if I called you Azaz?" 

"Azaz doesn't sound as good as Zuzu though. Hmmm, how about shifu or master?" 

"What?! I'm not calling my little sister shifu," Zuko huffed, setting his knife off to the side only for it to be scooped up by his sister. It had already been a few months since their little arrangement. Azula helped out her brother with his bending when the adults weren't watching, and she got… Well, it was unclear what exactly she got from it, but Zuko was improving all the same. 

They had their arguments from time to time over how certain forms or techniques should go. 

Despite being a fire bending prodigy, Azula wasn't exactly the best teacher. Her instructions were mainly do this and do that. No, that's wrong. What's wrong with you? It’s so easy for me, but I guess you aren’t me. More often than not the training sessions devolved into a boasting competition.

Azula was better at telling him what he did wrong than giving him advice on how to do better. There were a few good points that she made. But, it was probably the extra practice and low stress environment that helped him grow during their sessions.

"You don't need to call me shifu all the time just during practice," the younger sibling teased. 

"....." Zuko thought about it for a moment before a blush colored his cheeks. "You know uncle probably just got you a doll because you're a girl and doesn't know what you like. It's not like we talk to him that often with him fighting a war and all that." 

"Hmm, uncle's so old fashioned. He should have gotten both of us knives or even swords, so we could spar together. Why would I need dolls anyways when I have you, Mai, and Ty Lee?" 

Zuko opened his mouth to protest but closed it soon enough. Shaking his head, he sighed a little at his sister's words. 

"You really shouldn't refer to your friends as dolls. They're your friends."

"Hmph, you know I'm just joking." 

"I don't know. Sometimes I'm not so sure especially after that incident with the fountain and Mai. I have a feeling you set me up." 

"Oh please, I had full faith that you could knock the apple off of Mai's head. It's not my fault you didn't measure up." 

Zuko's blush flared up as that familiar sensation of embarrassment burnt at his cheeks. "Do you even know how to use a sword?" 

"No, but you don't either. We could learn together! Who knows I might be great at this too and teach you a few things." 

"Ah, actually I do know how to use a sword. When you were at the academy, father decided to have Master Piandao teach me swordsmanship."

There was an odd silence between them though Zuko broke it by awkwardly fake coughing into his hand. 

“I see,” Azula commented, her mood ruined by the recent revelation, “well, here’s uncle’s gift.” 

Dropping the knife between his legs, the younger sibling pulled herself up and hopped off the bed. It was embarrassing to admit, but she was a tad excited at the idea of learning swordsmanship along with her brother.

She had already planned the dinner conversation. After proving her superiority in firebending over her brother, she would tell her father that perhaps her older brother would be much more useful if he knew something other than fire bending. Then, she’d hint at swordsmanship classes, and how she should tag along to add to her repertoire of skills.

But, that plan went out the window since apparently Zuko already started without her. Don’t get her wrong, she wasn’t embarrassed or mad because her older brother had practiced swordsmanship while she was at the academy. The academy was a good way of making powerful connections for the future. No, she was more embarrassed because she got so excited over her plan to help out her brother.

“You know… I didn’t mean to keep it a secret,” Zuko started, scratching the back of his head. 

“I get it. Father thought your fire bending was lacking, so he wanted to make you useful. Wouldn’t want the royal family’s mistake to be so weak,” Azula said, waving off Zuko’s comments.

“Hey! Just because uncle gave me the knife doesn’t mean you can take your frustrations out on me,” Zuko fumed, stowing the blade away, “don’t make me tell mother what you said.”

“Feel free, dear brother, really go and tell mother,” Azula shot back, walking out of the room, “why don’t you show me your sword play sometime while you’re at it.”

A few months later…

“Hagh!” Clack. Clack. Clack. 

Sheathing two light broadswords back into their covers on his back, Zuko bowed towards the elderly figure shrouded in fire above him. Three cylinders of thick bamboo laid scattered on the floor. The bottom of the cuts were slightly charred. Their main bodies were arranged in a line right between the boy and his grandfather.

The room was chilly despite the wall of flames crackling on the stage, most likely a result of just how spacious the chamber was. Huge pillars supported the roof which contrasted the family of four facing the fire lord. 

The eldest child had just finished demonstrating his sword dance performance. It was more flashy than practical, but he hoped by adding in small bits of firebending and chopping the bamboo towards the end would mitigate that fact.

His sister had performed an advanced firebending technique. It was equally as flashy but demonstrated her mastery over the concepts. 

Perhaps, the reason for his choice of performance was because of Azula’s mocking or was it his cousin’s death. Maybe the reason was a mix of the two. Either way, his performance wasn’t exactly flawless but impressive either way.

“As interesting as this little talent show your children have put on is, what do you want from me Ozai?” the current fire lord, Azulon, grumbled, flicking his wrists to dismiss the other family members, “Your brother is coming home soon, and I would much rather discuss his future plans than whatever your scheming mouth is about to spew.” 

For all intents and purposes, Ozai seemed to take his father’s words in stride, though, there was a slight glint in his eyes that may have said otherwise. Azula caught on to it, if only for a brief moment, as she stepped out of the chamber.

“Hey, Zuzu,” the girl whispered, tugging at his sleeve before he ran off to his room. 

“Hm? What is it?”

“We should sneak back and see what father and gramps are talking about.”

“Should we? I’m sure they’re just talking about the war efforts now that Uncle’s stopped his siege.”

“Who knows maybe they’ll be talking about your performance. It was pretty cool,” Azula half complimented and half baited.

“Really? I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go see what they’re talking about if only to learn more about the war.”

“It’ll be great. I’m sure.” She said, grabbing her brother’s sleeve and tugging him back.

What they heard wasn’t so great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It's rather interesting to write about Zuko and Azula as children because they haven't been fully raised by their parents yet. Theirs this need to separate what traits we see in the show are nature and what are nurture. Like at the heart of the way they were raised both were just seeking the love of both their parents. Zuko wanted the approval of his father, and Azula wanted the approval of their mother; and while Ursa loved both of her children unconditionally, Azula acted a tad too much like Ozai for her to get close. Zuko is kind, brash, impatient, awkward, easily embarrassed, but he's stubborn. Azula is intelligent, talented, quick-witted, manipulative, possessive, and easily jealous. Zuko's love language is words of affirmation, and Azula's is through acts of service. At least, that's my interpretation of their inherent traits. I feel like through Iroh, Zuko learns to temper himself and accept himself and others. Through Ozai, Azula was driven to become a perfectionist and learned to forge bonds through fear.
> 
> Oh, and the reason three chapters came out so fast is because I've posted this on another website and decided to post on here as well. I'm not sure how fast updates will continue to be!


	4. Always Crying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This one’s a bit longer than usual, and I wanted to focus more on Zuko because I feel like I’ve been writing him a tad flat in previous chapters. I may go back and fix that, so keep an eye out. Also messed around with a different format style and will probably try out new stuff in the future.

The crowd was abuzz with a certain energy. It wasn’t excitement nor mirth. No, the energy was more like being a guest at a tense family dinner. It was like watching a kitten being forced to stare down a hulking tiger.

Few people took sadistic pleasure in the sight. Others watched in morbid curiosity, and the rest were waiting to shut their eyes and turn away.

There was the prince of their nation on center stage. He was prostrated in front of his father, begging to be forgiven, but the patriarch continued to step forward, growling for his son to stand and fight like he had before in his war room.

However, gone was Zuko’s will to fight. He had stood strong with the expectation he would be fighting the general he shouted at during his father’s war meeting, but his stomach dropped the moment he saw who he would be fighting. Was it fear, respect, or the idea of hurting his father that snuffed his fire?

“Please, father, I beg of you! I do not want to fight!” Zuko pleaded, holding onto just a sliver of hope that his father was playing some cruel joke.

It was hard to speak, hard to breathe. His chest was tight like a knot was stuck in his throat.

“You will learn respect!” Ozai spat as Zuko raised his head stained with tears, “and suffering will be your teacher.” 

The stadium went black except for the countless, luminous eyes that peered down from the sides right at him. They were pitying him. They were anxious to see his execution. They were suffocating.

His body shook. His fingers scraped the dirt from the stadium floor. His golden eyes struggled to stare into the unrecognizable visage that faced him. He couldn’t even see his father’s eyes through the dark shadow that hid his features.

Who was this man he was staring up at?

The salty taste of tears smeared his lips; and as he saw the first signs of a spark, the memories leading up to this point flashed through his eyes.

* * *

It seemed like a dream the last moments he spent in the night with his mother. Her soothing words lulled his conscience, but he had to keep it around to latch onto her meaning. Never forget who he is. That was her message. Her hushed tone told him that the dream was almost over, but the young boy was reminded of a certain fevered moment earlier in his childhood.

The similarity in his sister’s and mother’s faces along with the vulnerability of the situation were too alike for him to not remember.

“What about Azula?” he croaked at the fleeing cloaked figure. The figure froze in the doorway.

“Take care of her for me, dear. She needs a lot of support to escape your father’s influence.”

Ursa twisted her neck to the side, so her nose peeked from the rim of the hood. Her pale lips moved up and down like she wanted to say something more but didn’t have the time.

“She’s twisted, not broken. Remember that, Zuko.” 

And just like that, morning came and woke the prince up. Flinging the red blanket off of him, he stumbled off the bed and out the door. His feet ignored the chilling tile floors as he made his way into the main hallway towards the imperial garden. Surely, his mother would be out at the pond like usual.

No, she wasn’t, and he didn’t make it to the pond without interruption. Right in front of him, leaning on a pillar, Zuko’s sister was playing with the knife Uncle Iroh had gifted him.

“Where’s mom?” Zuko huffed as he stopped to catch his breath.

“No one knows,” she sighed, turning her head away from him. “Oh, and last night grandpa passed away.”

“That’s not funny Azula. You’re sick!” he shouted, making his way towards her, “and I want my knife back now!”

He lunged for her, aiming for the knife, but she eluded his attempts and slid off to the side. Holding up the blade between her fingertips, she swung it side by side to mock him.

“Who’s going to make me? Mom~” she cooed.

Zuko gritted his teeth and was about to rip his uncle’s gift from her hand when his mother’s word came to mind. He scanned her sadistic face and felt like it was unfair that she looked so much like their mom.

Mom…

He felt hot tears welter up to his eyes as he walked up to Azula once again.

“Really, you have to try harder than tha-”

She paused midway through her sentence with her arm propped to the opposite side of her brother. He seemed to have grabbed the wrong thing. His arms were wrapped around her instead of the knife. She felt his warm tears touch her skin.

“Wha-what are you doing?” Azula stuttered, trying to regain her composure. Her arms were spread far apart to prevent herself from joining in this odd attack from her brother.

“You know I’m your older brother, right?” he mumbled, not feeling all that comfortable himself.

“Yes, but you’re crying like a little baby right now,” Azula shot back, wondering where he was going with this and when this hug would end.

"I don't know what the future has for us, but I just wanted you to know that I love you and will always want the best for you." 

"Blegh, that's gross brother," Azula gagged though her face was a bright red. 

This wasn't the first time he's told her this. He's told her this at least twice before, but she's been disappointed by him on multiple occasions. 

He chose their tutor over her. He accused her of being jealous instead of offering to teach her how to wield a sword or offer to get her a knife for herself.

She felt like her brother was mostly lip service with no substance when it counted. If this was his love, she wasn't sure if she wanted it.

His love was just like mother's. They say one thing, but their actions say another. Their mother said that she loved them both, but she chose Zuko in the end. 

"Was there no other option? Did her last sacrifice have to be for Zuko?" Azula thought. 

Tears were bubbling up to the surface, but she wasn't weak like Zuko. She wasn't a child. She blinked the tears away and forced her blush to fade. 

Stomping away her emotions wasn't an unfamiliar concept. At an even younger age, she realized that the colder she felt inside, the hotter the fire felt. It was easier to control and guide like an extension of her body. 

Slowly, Azula brought her arms back in and wrapped them around her brother, tucking her head into the nook of his neck.

Yet, despite all her practice, she still couldn't stomp out her hope that this time would be different. This time he'll stick by her.

"I don't hate you as well though."

"Mhm," the older sibling hummed, letting go of her to confirm the truth for himself. He rushed off towards the pond with a knife stowed away in the back of his belt.

* * *

Things moved fast after Ursa disappeared. Ozai stole the throne from Iroh. There was no one around to protect Zuko from Ozai whenever the young boy made a mistake.

The two siblings continued to compete for their single parent’s approval with Zuko gradually falling behind. However, the older brother tried not to let Ozai’s reprimands get to him, and he tried even harder to make sure Ozai didn’t continue to drive a wedge between him and Azula.

Obviously, this task was difficult. If given the choice between her weaker, older brother that their mother favored over her or their powerful father that she had so much in common with, Azula naturally gravitated towards their father.

Zuko wanted the same parental approval, so he couldn’t blame her. The only thing he could do was try to act like an older brother, stop feeling jealous over his sister’s success, praise her when she did good and explain to her when she did wrong.

The fact that he wasn’t a prodigy like his sister made it excruciatingly painful to do any of those things. He had to watch his father and sister get closer as the same father shunned him. He watched his little sister outshine him at firebending, war stratagem, and academics. His praise was appreciated, but his criticism was ignored on the basis that it came from a “weakling.”

There was a point where he thought the only reason they still had the same teacher was for his father to show him how much worse he was than his sister. The idea of waking up everyday just to be humiliated slowly chipped away at his spirit.

The young prince wanted to run away, but Ursa’s words gave him the strength to continue on. He wanted to forget about earning his father’s approval, but the memory of his father saving him when he was washed away to sea stopped him from cutting that tie. He wanted to hate his sister, but he wanted the days back when they played tag in the garden while their parents watched even more.

They were twisted so twisted, and it was up to him to untwist the gnarled shape their family had become.

Uncle Iroh only joined Zuko in his endeavor once the older man got over his grief by travelling the world. Zuko noticed how different his uncle was from back when he was waging a war against the rest of the world. Iroh was softer, calmer, laughed more, and drank more tea just like the days he spent with Lu Ten.

Hanging out with his uncle, Zuko felt a reprieve from the hours spent in the lion’s den. He didn’t quite understand his uncle’s fascination with tea, but the snacks were tasty. They joked around. They played games. Zuko vented his frustrations.

In a way, Iroh filled the hole Ursa left in Zuko’s heart. This was why Zuko didn’t feel nervous to ask his uncle to let him into a war meeting. He was still striving for Ozai’s attention and perhaps this would garner him just a tad more.

This decision would undo everything he tried to build up. When the general talked about sacrificing the new battalion, Zuko imagined all the broken families, betrayed soldiers, and unnecessary deaths.

The thought hit close to home and without thinking he spoke out against the tactician. He was standing up for what he believed was right but disrespecting the Fire lord at the same time.

* * *

It was with that final memory that his face was enveloped with flames. He heard his own cries echo in his ears as his vision faded away.

* * *

Azula felt a sense of deja vu as she once again snuck into Zuko’s room. To her surprise, Mai walked out of the room, and her uncle stayed inside for longer than her legs liked.

Finally, it was her turn to visit the bedridden and burnt prince. Or, was it the former prince now that she’s heard father plans on banishing him when he wakes up.

The room was empty as Mai had to head home, Iroh was most likely out for tea, and the servants were giving the prince space to heal now that all the salves were applied. It was all too familiar; however, this time around, her brother wasn’t going to be around even if he got over the horrible burns. 

Azula grabbed a nearby seat. It was warm most likely due to their uncle watching over him for so long. Gross.

“You know, Zuzu. I was smiling as father burnt your face,” Azula started, scanning her brother’s bandaged head. “Honestly, you deserved it for being so dumb to speak out against a general during a meeting you weren’t invited to. What were you even thinking?”

The younger sister furrowed her brows as she scowled at her pitiful, unconscious brother.

“I bet you weren’t thinking,” she spat. “I bet you blew your top at the first sign of something you didn’t like. You were always such an emotional fool.”

She crossed her arms and waited for a response that wouldn’t come before continuing.

“You told me that you cared about me.”

“You told me that you wanted the best for me.”

“I gave you so many chances to prove it, but you failed me on so many levels.”

“You protected that instructor we sent to the colonies, but you know what? That same instructor that praised you was insulting you behind our backs. I offered to help you with your bending, but you never offered to teach me how to use your knife or sword. Instead, you accused me of being jealous that Uncle got you the knife and me a doll.”

She glared daggers at him, but he refused to stir.

“What does your word even mean? Shouldn’t a prince stand by what he says? Well, I guess you aren’t going to be a prince anymore once father banishes you.”

The crown princess tried to laugh, but it struggled to come out.

“You know I really hoped you meant what you said when mother disappeared. I guess my hopes were misplaced because you chose a bunch of strangers over me. You could have fought father, but you were a coward. Did you think he would have spared you if you begged hard enough?”

She had to hold back the urge to spit on the injured boy.

“The most ironic thing about this whole thing is that you wanted the best for me, but you’re abandoning me to be raised by our father.”

Still nothing.

“What? You didn’t know that I already knew father was a cruel man?”

Still nothing.

“I’ll tell you something else, Zuzu. I’m just as cruel as our father. When I manipulate people into doing what I want, when I see people’s pained faces, when I get one step closer to grabbing more power, I feel a joy that I can’t describe.”

Nothing.

“Is that so wrong? Huh, Zuzu? Is it so wrong to want father’s approval? You seemed to have received plenty of mother’s love.”

…

“Answer me! I’m a monster aren’t I? And, now that you’re abandoning me, it’ll just be father and I. You won’t stand a chance. Can you imagine the type of monster I’ll be in the future?”

… 

“I’m scared, Zuzu.”

* * *

In his dreams, Zuko was in the royal garden. His father and mother set out a red blanket with a basket laying on top of it. He was running around trying to avoid his sister’s tag. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, but it started drizzling.

The drops were warm and stung at his skin.


	5. Always Trying

Staring down from the side of his modestly sized fire nation ship, a scarred teen looked into the deep blue water below. Even though the shadow of the ship stopped the light from reaching his side of the ship, he could still see his reflection in the water. His hand went gingerly to his left eye and grazed towards his ear.

Almost three years have passed since that fateful Agni Kai. Since his father banished him to seek out and capture the avatar, the teen prince has scoured the world for signs of the most powerful bender of their time. Only the idea of regaining his honor and an indescribable anger drove him on. His uncle went along with him, and the banished prince was grateful for his instruction even when the old man and him disagreed.

Finally though, he found the avatar while sailing the south pole’s waters. His hope had finally been discovered.

He underestimated the young boy because of his age, and it cost him his ship. The airbender sent his own attack careening into the ice cliff and avalanched them to a halt. They were severely set back on time as his men had to melt the tons of ice off their trapped ship.

Melting the ice off the ship wasn’t enough to get them going again though, the impact of the ice left his ship with significant damage, and an emergency docking at a fire nation shipyard was required. It was at this shipyard where he found his first rival since Azula.

Zhao. The older man had held him hostage until he told the navy official what he knew about the avatar. The scarred teen hoped to keep it a secret and avoid competition, but Zhao had his crew interviewed and learned about his secret. 

Thinking about that man with ridiculous looking mutton chops, Zuko’s blood started to boil. The utter disrespect the man showed him was inexcusable. That Zhao had no idea what he was talking about. Ozai wanted him back. The fire lord just wanted to teach his son a lesson before lifting his son’s banishment. Now, the sideburn man had the audacity to try and capture the avatar. He wanted to rob the banished prince of his chance to regain his honor.

Zuko wouldn’t stand for Zhao’s disrespect and challenged him to an Agni Kai. This time around the prince would win with Iroh’s help. The navy official forgot his basics and lost his balance, securing Zuko the victory.

A small smile graced Zuko’s face as he thought about his Uncle’s words. He had more honor as a banished prince than that Navy officer, Zhao. Pursuing the avatar seemed to have already gained him back some honor. All he had to do was capture the bald kid and bring him back. His destiny would be set back on track. His father would then welcome him back with open arms, he would be the crown prince, and they would be a family again. It would be him, his father, and his little sister.

Azula.

He still recalled the way she ignored him the moments before he left. She refused to meet his eyes; and when he assured her that he’d be back soon, she told him that she wasn’t going to hold her breath.

The banished prince didn’t know what to say then. Usually, she’d be mocking him or rubbing his loss in his face, but she was just cold. Yes, he was prepared to blow up at her at any sign of being made fun of for his disfigurement, but her reaction was odd. 

They didn’t leave on good terms.

He shook his head. Soon enough, he’ll be returning home with his head held high. Perhaps, enough time has passed to rebuild the burnt bridge between him and Azula.

“Prince Zuko, what are you doing out here so late?” a warm, soothing voice asked from behind.

“I’m just thinking, Uncle,” Zuko responded, just noticing how dark it had gotten outside.

“About our next step to capture the avatar?”

“No, about my sister. I’ve been thinking about sending her a letter.”

“Hmm, I have to say I’m not as familiar with Princess Azula as I am with you,” Iroh hummed, stroking his beard, “I’m not going to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, but I will tell you that I regret not being kinder to your father when we were children. We treated each other like rivals when we should have been treating each other as brothers.”

“I see... thanks Uncle. I’ll keep that in mind,” Zuko smiled, patting his uncle on the back as he went back into the ship to write his letter.

“It was my pleasure,” his uncle chuckled, silently wishing his precious nephew luck.

* * *

The young prince sat down in front of a little propped up table and began to write. 

_Dear Azula,_

His brush halted to a stop. Should he be so formal in his letter? Was “Dear” the right word to use? He crumpled the paper into a ball and tossed it into the corner. He’ll try again.

_Hey lil sis,_

No, that was even worse. Maybe if they weren’t royalty, that type of opener would be appropriate. Another ball was tossed into the corner. At this rate, there was going to be a mountain of drafts before he got it right. He’d have to stop thinking so hard about the little stuff.

_Hello Azula,_

_I hope this letter finds you in good health._

Was that too awkward? It’s been so long since they contacted each other. No, he just had to keep writing.

_Hello Azula,_

_I hope this letter finds you in good health. It’s certainly been quite some time since we last spoke with my banishment and all. Hopefully, Mai and Ty Lee have been keeping you company, and father hasn’t been too harsh on you. Although knowing you, you’ve probably met his expectations with flying colors._

_I know that we didn’t leave on good terms, but I have good news. I’ve found the avatar. It’s just a matter of time before I capture him and regain my honor. I’ll be able to return home with my head held high and take my place as the crown prince. After all these harsh years away from home and training with Uncle, I’m sure I could even give you a run for your money._

_Maybe when I bring back the avatar and we’ve won the war, we can get Mai and Ty Lee to do something fun like the good old days. By the way, I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell too many people that the avatar has been found._

_Best Regards,_

_Zuko_

The banished prince looked down at his letter and frowned. It felt so awkward, and the middle part sounded like he was challenging her to a fight. Plus, he really didn’t want to go on any vacations with her friends. That sounded like something stupid, immature teens would do.

His fingers gripped the edges of the paper, crinkling it slightly, before letting go. He sighed. It was getting late, and this was the best he was going to get.

In the morning, he sent the letter out.

* * *

The message arrived in the evening while Azula was resting in her chambers. The servant girls had just finished washing and drying her hair, and she was lounging on her bed before sleep took her. 

The last three years have been quite kind to her. She was now the crown princess of the fire nation, her bending was practically perfect, and her father relied on her more and more. Everything was going much smoother with her brother out of the way.

He was so distracting and frustrating the way he competed with her for her father’s approval. Honestly, he wasn’t even a player, but the way he tried to play both sides was infuriating. How could he proclaim to care about her but also try and steal away their father’s attention?

Well, it didn’t matter much anyways. Her brother was banished and out of her hair.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

“Princess Azula, a message.”

“You may enter.”

“Thank you,” a servant responded, entering the room, "It's from your brother, Princess." 

Azula's mood soured as she grabbed the letter from the servant and waved him off. 

"A letter from Zuzu?" she hummed once she was alone in her quarters. It was odd how his letter arrived just as she was thinking about how much of a nuisance he was.

It was like speak of the devil, but the devil was more like an annoying mouth sore that pops up at the most irritable times. 

"That was a bad analogy," Azula thought, sticking with the original saying. "Well, let's see what Zuzu has to say." 

Pulling the string off the rolled up letter, she unfurled the message and scanned the ink. There were creases on the side of the parchment.

“Hmm, Zuzu was either angry, in a rush, or embarrassed when he was writing this letter.”

‘Hello Azula’

“He was definitely dissatisfied and embarrassed about this. What even is that greeting?” she thought to herself, cupping her chin with her fingers.

' _I hope this letter finds you in good health. It’s certainly been quite some time since we last spoke with my banishment and all.'_

"No, duh. It's been like 3 years." 

Memories of the last days they spent before he left flashed through her mind. She felt betrayed, hurt, and angry. Every time he'd approach her she gave him the cold shoulder or cooly shot back at him. She tried to avoid any comments about his burn. It was too soon, too easy of a target, and he certainly would have blown up at her. She was a little more sensitive back then.

She was fine now. All those years training, being praised by their father, honing the skills that just felt right in her mind helped drain away her hesitations. She felt in control.

‘ _Hopefully, Mai and Ty Lee have been keeping you company, and father hasn’t been too harsh on you. Although knowing you, you’ve probably met his expectations with flying colors.’_

“Mai and Ty Lee, hm?”

She ignored thinking about the last parts of the statement. Of course, she was doing well and was father really being harsh by holding her to high standards? It was only natural as the crown heir to the nation to surpass the previous leader.

Anyways, Mai and Ty Lee weren’t exactly keeping her close company. Although she would never admit it, she did take her brother’s advice years ago and tried to treat them less like dolls and more like friends. It was difficult to say the least.

From what she observed during her time at the Royal Fire Academy for Girl, friendships were shallow and sickeningly sweet. They were friends one day and enemies the next. It was hilarious to watch, but not very helpful when trying to learn how to make friends.

She stumbled a bit, and she ended up just reeling in her spite. No more pushing Ty Lee down for doing cartwheels, and no more teasing Mai for her crush on Zuko.

Did this work? She wasn’t sure. They were still friends, though, she attributed that more towards her being the royal princess than her being nice to them. Mai visits from time to time, but Ty Lee left on one of her little adventures of self-discovery. Yep, she was mainly on her own for the past few years not that she cared.

‘ _I know that we didn’t leave on good terms, but I have good news. I’ve found the avatar. It’s just a matter of time before I capture him and regain my honor. I’ll be able to return home with my head held high and take my place as the crown prince. After all these harsh years away from home and training with Uncle, I’m sure I could even give you a run for your money’_

“There’s so much wrong with this. I don’t even know where to start.”

First, there was no way Zuzu was on her level. Second, there was no way her brother could capture the avatar. Thirdly, there was no way he was going to become the crown prince again.

“All these years away have made you more delusional is more like it.”

If she was being honest, she was slightly surprised that the avatar was still around. There’ve been no signs of him for a century, and he pops up during history in the making. Talk about poor timing. She wondered whether or not she should tell her father about the news until she read the last part of the letter.

‘ _Maybe when I bring back the avatar and we’ve won the war, we can get Mai and Ty Lee to do something fun like the good old days. By the way, I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell too many people that the avatar has been found.’_

“Hmph, knowing him, he’s probably already tipped off more than a few people that the avatar’s alive. Father most likely already knows,” she grumbled.

Standing up from her bed, she walked over to her vanity and tucked the letter away in one of the drawers. She wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of a response as she lifted the covers of her bed and slipped in.

That night, if one looked close enough, there was a faint semblance of a smile on the sleeping princess.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Went back to update a few of the earlier chapters mainly to tone down some parts I felt were heavy handed.


End file.
